i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
