It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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