I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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