I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize