I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He felt like a one man threesome
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
