i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
