MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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