Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is my gift to your gina
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
