Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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