god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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