This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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