shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
