Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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