thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter