It's Friday. Sex?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever