Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked