Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?