He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed