Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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