It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
