so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
