some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
