is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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