Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize