Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
