So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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