Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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