he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
