My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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