the new term for farting is butt boxing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
