trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
