Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
