i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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