While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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