thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
