Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
