Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You need a sexual gate keeper
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.