Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This house was built for laser tag.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just gargled with NyQuil
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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