So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
