my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize