i barfeds in our rink
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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