I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The Olympian is in my bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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