I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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