Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
