i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i think i just lost a toe
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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