I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
