I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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