ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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