How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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