Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!