question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name