return my video game
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick