do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.