the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
