So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
