how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
