So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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