Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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